I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
