God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
