My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
