He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
