Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(