Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.