Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
