thus making me awesome and them whores
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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