I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
