remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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