im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize