READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
