I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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