so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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