I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
