I think I won the penis lottery.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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