he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
