Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
