okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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