i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
