dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
