She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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