After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
