I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
