I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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