Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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