She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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