just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
