you would pick up someone in the library
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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