I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
