Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
