my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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