Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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