i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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