She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
