ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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