you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
