as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
