dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.