I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think tits should taste like fish.