Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
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he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail