1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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