I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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