That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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