i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
