it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude. I can hear the air.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
