its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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