How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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