just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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