Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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