you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
