I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize