He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
