We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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