it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
