she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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