I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
