She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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