I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
