$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
