Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
