I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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